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by Ken Tuccio It was June of 2005. I had woken up that morning just like every other, but this time there was one distinct difference; I couldn’t hear out of my left ear. Amazingly this wasn't the first time that this had happened to me. The previous summer the same thing had occurred, and when I went to the doctor he told me that it occurred due to swimming. Apparently, when I’m doggie paddling my way through the deep end, some water dislodges wax, which in turn ends up blocking my ear canal. The end result is me turning into a male Marlee Matlin; only without Dancing with the Stars on my resume. The previous year the doctor fixed the problem easily enough; he put drops in my ear and drained out the excess "crap" that was causing me to be deaf. The doctor gave me preventive measures, so that I could ensure something like that didn't happen again. Of course, as anyone who knows me is aware of, I spit in the face of the advice of doctors; it’s my rebellious nature. It causes me to wow chicks, amaze the internet, but inevitably end up going to the hospital for the same reasons over and over again. The good thing was that I knew what the problem was, as I had previously spent a lot of time swimming. The bad thing was that I didn’t have the ability to hear out of one of my ears, which can be a minor inconvenience. Never one to let a physical handicap interrupt my schedule, I went about my business. I made myself some coffee, browsed the internet for a while, and even took the time to watch Soledad O’Brien on CNN American Morning. 2005 were the pre-Kiran Chetry days. Luckily, at the time, my job had me on the road all day. That made my schedule pretty flexible, so I was able to shuffle some things around in order to fit in a quick visit to Griffin Hospital's Convenient Care center to get my hearing back. For those of you not familiar with Griffin Hospital, it’s located in Derby, CT, and is best known for being a part of the anthrax scare of 2001. That, and Rebecca Lobo, are the two things we Connecticut folk take great pride in. The check in nurse at the desk was barely audible to me; but with the aid of hand motions and loud talking, I was able to let her know what was wrong with me. After I checked in I grabbed myself a chair and began reading the TV Guide ( as you can tell, there's a great selection of reading materials in the Griffin Hospital waiting room ), and was called in to see a doctor rather quickly ( for a hospital ). I went in and met with the doctor, he asked what's wrong, I tell him and he proceeds to give my ears the once over. I had told the doctor very clearly that my left ear was the issue, I even told him that I had the same issue last year and told him what they did to fix it. I didn't use medical terminology, unless they suddenly added "Plastic Needle Gimmick" to the medical journals, but I thought I was pretty clear in explaining what the problem was. Of course the doctor completely ignored me, and he spent the first 10 minutes checking the wrong ear. He finally moved to the left ear, or as I had named it, “Deafey”, and that’s when I began to get entertained. Let me lay it out for you, movie script style : ( Doctor
finishes looking at the right ear ) I considered starting an "I'm Hardcore" chant, but I didn't think the nurses would join in; they were probably wrestling purists. Anyways, the problem ended up being a combination of the before-mentioned wax issue and an infection; when it comes to physical ailments, I like to multitask. The Doc prescribed me some antibiotics, and the entire rest of my time there he kept asking me "No pain at all???" I guess I’m a medical marvel, which is kind of cool.
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(c)
2008 Ken Tuccio |
the day the earth stood still i was deaf ken tuccio tuccioholic rebecca lobo kim kardashian
