by Ken Tuccio

I was a huge Nickelodeon fan as a kid.

I’m glad that I grew up during the early 90’s, because I got to experience all the awesome Nickelodeon shows in their primes. I watched families pick flags out of giant noses on Double Dare, I lived through the glorified field day that was Wild & Crazy Kids, I dreamt of climbing the Agrocrag on Guts, and I regularly tuned in for the “funny” exploits of Doug, Skeeter, and Patty Mayonaise.

See what I did there? I made a pun out of “funny”?

No?

Okay, moving on.

Obviously, being 26 at this point in my life, I don’t watch Nickelodeon as much as I did as a child. I’ll occasionally flip through the channels and catch a few minutes of Jimmy Neutron, and if I catch Zoey 101 I’ll probably watch a few seconds of it, because Jamie Lynn Spears puts out, but on a whole I’m not horribly familiar with todays Nickelodeon programming.

While a lot has changed about Nickelodeon over the years, one staple has remained; slime.

Slime was Nickelodeon’s trademark when I was a child. I got a kick out of it when I saw people get slimed on Figure It Out, I always smiled when some unsuspecting Mother got covered in green goo during a Physical Challenge, and for years I was afraid to utter the phrase “I don’t know”, because I believed a bucket of green slime would ooze me instantly.

Slime is still a staple of Nickelodeon, mainly at the Kids Choice Awards, with celebrities such as Johnny Depp, Zac Effron, and Cameron Diaz all getting covered in the green mess over the past few years.

The slime is still very marketable as well, as I recently purchased this during one of my shopping excursions …

This, quite simply, is Nickelodeon Slime.

Nickelodeon has always been known for its “compound” playthings. In the 1980s, off of the popularity of You Can't Do That On Television, they first released Nickelodeon Slime. Over the years they’ve released various other compounds, such as Gak, Floam, and a Play-Doh like product called Skweez.

Nickelodeon Slime has been on hiatus since the late 80’s, but the folks at Jakks Pacific re-released the popular slime in the Fall of 2008. I assume this was a big day for Nickelodeon fans, and fans of gunging alike.

The Slime comes in six different colored cans …

Yes, different colored cans. The Slime is always green, but now you can spoil your child by purchasing him or her all the different colored containers available to house said Slime.

The Slime is also non-toxic …

This is a breath of fresh air for parents who have children who will eat just about anything; because, quite frankly, it’s embarrassing to have your child die from ingesting a toxic Nickelodeon product.

The canister of Slime reminds me of a Barrel of Monkeys …

I’ll give credit where credit is due, this is a cool looking container. At the end of the day, though, kids don’t care about the container that houses the Slime, all they care about is the Slime …

The Slime looks just how I remembered it; green, gooey, and useless.

The Slime, unlike past Nickelodeon compounds, doesn’t have a terrible stench to it. That was always my complaint with Gak, the smell. The stuff smelt like rotten eggs and caused whatever I touched, and/or played with, to smell the same way. This reincarnation of slime doesn’t have that feature.

The texture of the slime reminds me of the Mutating Ooze that comes in several Ninja Turtles toy sets currently on store shelves …

Slime has an indescribable feeling to it. It’s cold and it’s gooey, but for some mysterious reason, it’s fun to play around with.

The problem I’ve always had with products such as Slime is that you can’t really “play” with it. Barring me having a few of my wrestling action figures battle it out in a “Mark Somers Death Match”, I don’t know what I, or any child, could do with Slime. The only options I’d have would be to throw it at things, throw it at people, or feed it to my dog.

The first of the three would break stuff, the second of the three would piss off an unsuspecting civilian, and the third option would murder a puppy. Thus, none of the three are viable play-options for Slime.

Regardless of its uslessness, I’m glad to own Nickelodeon Slime. This green concoction was such a huge part of my youth that I’m glad to see it be given the nostalgic re-release it deserves. Not only does it make me remember the great shows from yesteryear, but it gives me the chance to recreate the sewer scene from Ghostbusters 2 with Ric Flair …

Soon after this picture was taken, the figure came to life and battled the Statue of Liberty.

True story.