by Ken Tuccio

My Father’s always been a big fan of Whoppers candy, as such, we always had a fair amount lying around the house during my childhood.

I was neutral when it came to my feelings towards the “malted milk balls”. I didn’t love them, I didn’t hate them, and if there was a box lying around I’d probably eat a handful or two. That being said, I never actively went out of my way to eat Whoppers. I don’t think I’ve ever purchased a box of Whoppers on my own.

Well, until now …

These are Whoppers Reeses Peanut Butter Flavored Candy.

I bought these less for my love of Whoppers and more for my love of Reeses.

Throughout my life the folks at Reeses could do no wrong. There’s rarely a Reeses product that I don’t like. I like the classic Peanut Butter Cups, I’m a huge fan of Reeses Pieces, and I’ll even spend $20 on those Reeses Pumpkins during Halloween time.

Seriously, it’s a pumpkin. Why wouldn’t I buy it?

Thus, when I was walking through Wal*Mart and saw that Whoppers has teamed up with Reeses to create a candy tag team that even Demolition couldn’t defeat, I felt obligated to try it.

The box, as you can see, has a very Reeses look to it. It’s colored orange and yellow, which are the official colors of Reeses, and it’s got the classic logo stamped right on the middle of the box …

From what I can gather from the box, these are simply peanut butter “flavored”, not to be confused with peanut butter filled. I don’t know what the difference actually is, but my tastebuds are yearning to find out.

These candies look like a lighter version of the classic malted milk ball treat …

For those unaware, classic Whoppers have a dark brown hue, while these have a very light, tan colored hue.

Yes, I just took the time to describe the difference between the color of two different types of Whoppers. Please don’t mock me.

These have a very distinct Reeses smell to them, a scent that fills my heart with joy and my eyes with tears.

My favorite smell is the scent of burning leaves, but if I had to rank a second favorite, the smell of a freshly opened piece of Reeses candy would be second. I hope that when I die, in heaven the burning leaves smell like Reeses candy.

I’m not kidding, my version of heaven consists of me lying out on a beach while a bikini clad Torrie Wilson feeds me grapes, all while I’m listening to the music of the Gin Blossoms, and allowing my nose to take in the sweet scent of leaves being burnt to smell like Reeses candy.

I have too much time on my hands.

I don’t think I’ve ever been excited to try a form of Whoppers candy before, but I was very excited to finally try these, and when I did they didn’t disappoint. To put it bluntly, these things kick more ass than Jean Claude Van Damme in the Street Fighter movie.

The outer coating of these candies have that distinct Reeses taste, I’d go so far as to say it’s a peanut butter topping, and the inside is the classic malted flavor of Whoppers candy. The taste this amazing combination brings to your mouth can only be described as Patrick Duffy, which is the phrase Step By Step fans use to define awesome.

These are the type of candy that you cannot eat a few of. You must finish the entire box once you start munching, because they’re that damn good. I’m not kidding you, these things are addicting. I’ve been typing this paragraph with one hand because I have the uncontrollable urge to constantly eat this box until they’re no more.

Seriously, they rock.

I can easily see myself stocking up on these bad boys over the next few months so that I am adequately prepared to gorge on them through the winter months. The idea of eating these while drinking a mug of hot chocolate while the snow covers the city streets of Connecticut is almost enough to get me sexually aroused.

I said almost.