by Ken Tuccio

Ladies and gentlemen, today we’re going to discuss Wind Up Sushi.

Yes, Wind Up Sushi.

What’s Wind Up Sushi you ask? Well, it’s this …

I was walking around Wal*Mart a few days ago and came across these for .88 cents a pop. I picked them up simply for the novelty aspect. I mean, they’re nothing but wind-up toys, but instead of being a wind-up chicken, or a wind up car, they’re wind-up versions of Japanese food.

Obviously, I would have been stupid NOT to buy them.

There were three different kinds of sushi available for purchase at Wal*Mart; Egg Sushi ( Tamago ), Plain Tuna ( Maguro ), and Fatty Tuna ( O-toro ). Ironically, Fatty Tuna is also the nickname we had for the obese kid in the 8th grade.

We were mean kids.

I’m not sure if these were made into toys because they're the three most popular sushi rolls with the kids these days, but these were the only three rolls available at Sam Walton’s playground.

As you can see above, the packaging for the Wind Up Sushi is very cool, in an MXC sort of way.

The packaging looks heavily Japanese, and having it in my possession makes me feel like a trendy New York City socialite. I say that because those people always seem to feign interest in the Japanese culture; it makes them feel less xenophobic.

The back of the packaging has a very entertaining warning label, urging me not to over-wind my sushi …

I can only guess that my Wind Up Sushi would spontaneously combust if I over-wind it. Since I just bought a new rug, I’ll heed the warning. The last thing I want to do is explain to the fire department that I caused an inferno by hastily winding my Maguro.

Out of the package the Wind Up Sushi is the oddest-looking toy I’ve ever owned, which is quite the feat, since I own a lot of crap …

The Egg Sushi is my favorite of the bunch, as it’s flat and yellow, and could easily double as a skateboard for Shark Boy …

Personally, I can’t blame Shark Boy for wanting to ride the rails on a piece of sushi, because if I were ever given the chance to skateboard on a Tamago, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

The other two pieces of sushi don’t have many other uses, so I’ll just assume they’re nothing but a hefty lunch for Yokozuna …

Believe it or not, I’m actually rather fond of this Wind Up Sushi. Sure it’s a useless product, but it’s a conversation starter. I’ll gladly place those suckers on my desk and wait for someone to ask me what they are. I’m not sure how long the conversation will last once I explain that they’re Wind Up Sushi that I purchased at Wal*Mart, but who cares, the point is that the conversation happened.

At the end of the day I take great pride in knowing that I’m the only person I know of that owns a piece of Fatty Tuna that can slowly glide along my desk with a few small turns of a knob.

Anything to boost my ego.