by Ken Tuccio

When people discuss awesome drinks, it seems that Yoo-Hoo gets lost in the shuffle. Personally, I think that’s a crime.

Growing up Yoo-Hoo was one of my favorite drinks. As a child, whenever I was in the mood for a tasty beverage, the chocolaty drink was waiting for me.

Yoo-Hoo was as much a staple of my childhood as Nintendo and Darkwing Duck, and as such I think it needs to be recognized for its beverage-laden accomplishments; accomplishments that so many seem to overlook.

Far too many kids nowadays ignore Yoo-Hoo. They opt to get their chocolate fix from the Nesquik bunny, a corporate mascot that I believe encourages children to steal money from their parents wallet. It’s my goal to change that.

I want to encourage more people to drink Yoo-Hoo, I want more kids to grow up loving the chocolate drink with the funny name. Thus, I decided to do my part in making that a reality, and I’m going to do it the only way I know how; by compiling a short list of written reasons Yoo-Hoo rocks.

So, without further ado, I present to you the 5 Reasons Yoo-Hoo Rocks My Socks.

Reason #5 – The Can

Most beverages are bland in presentation.

Pepsi comes in that lame blue colored can, Coca-Cola cans come in a normal red, and Tab comes in a maroon can that makes me want to slit my wrists. Yoo-Hoo strives to be different, it dons itself in a bright vibrant yellow ...

Unless you’re Marty McFly, I’m sure you love the color yellow. It’s the color of the sun, the color of certain denominations of Monopoly money, and also the color of scrambled eggs; three completely different, but completely awesome, items.

The bright yellow on the Yoo-Hoo can stands out from the rest of the beverage isle like a fat chick in Victoria's Secret.

People walk right by the sky blue cans that hold Nestea, and they completely ignore the attention-hungry orange cans housing Sunkist, but people can’t help but pay attention to the bright yellow of Yoo-Hoo.

The color calls out to you, speaks to you, and makes you feel like your day is not complete unless you indulge in the chocolate drink inside the can.

Reason #4 – The Name

How many other beverage names can double as a cheerful greeting? None.

By the way, if you email me with a beverage name that could double as a cheerful greeting, I’ll tell you you’re wrong and accuse you of punching babies. You don't want people to think you punch babies do you?

Yoo-Hoo is indeed a cheerful greeting, and also completely appropriate for most situations.

Think about it, you can’t walk up to a long time friend and say, “Dr. Pepper”, because unless that individual happens to be a physician with the last name of Pepper, it’s a completely inappropriate way to say hello. Yoo-Hoo, however, is a completely appropriate greeting for any occasion.

You can easily walk up to anyone, wave you’re hand in the air and yell, “Yoo-Hoo”. It will immediately grab their attention, and put them in the mood to watch a musical from the 1960's starring Julie Andrews.

Greeting people with the phrase “Yoo-Hoo” tells them that you’re cheerful, happy, and well aware of the effect product placement has in everyday life. Trust me, say “Yoo-Hoo” to someone you run into and I guarantee the recipient won’t have any choice but to smile, because people always smile at individuals whom they believe may be mentally handicapped.

Reason #3 – The Smell

I’ve often dreamt of waking up in a land completely made of chocolate. I want to roll over on a bed made of Hersheys bars, use Kisses as my pillows, wear Reeses Pieces as slippers, and have a chocolate bunny as a pet. That's my dream world.

Sadly, no matter how much pot I smoke, that dream will never become a reality. What I've found though, is if I close my eyes and breathe in the chocolate scent of Yoo-Hoo, I can mentally travel to that imaginary land.

The scent of Yoo-Hoo brings me to my dream world; a glorious land where the lactose intolerant are mocked, Count Chocula is Mayor, and white chocolate is ironically the minority.

Yoo-Hoo allows my imagination to wander, all thanks to its amazing scent.

The scent of Yoo-Hoo is so insanely pleasant. It’s not too chocolaty, yet it’s not too bland. It’s the kind of scent that makes your ears jealous of your nose, because your ears can’t smell things.

Other beverages don’t give you that same sort of pleasure. Nobody smiles when they smell 7-Up, and only hockey fans enjoy the scent of Canada Dry, but everyone appreciates the smell of Yoo-Hoo.

Seriously, everyone does, and if they tell you they don’t I give you full autonomy to punch them square in the jaw.

Reason #2 – The Shake

When I was a child I loved shaking carbonated beverages and giving them to unsuspecting victims, it was sort of my thing ... that and snap bracelets.

I loved snap bracelets.

I’d shake up my father’s beer cans all the time, causing him to yell at me when his La-Z-Boy became covered in Budweiser. Looking back now, that's alcohol abuse, but at the time it was nothing more than an exploding beverage that filled me with joy.

I wouldn't just pick on my Dad, I’d also gleefully bounce my Mother’s cans of Diet Coke up and down until they exploded like a cherry bomb, ruining many couches as well as many blouses.

Sadly every authority figure in my life frowned upon my beverage shaking escapades. I was yelled at, talked down to, and on one occasion forced to watch an episode of General Hospital.

If that’s not child abuse, I don’t know what is.

Yoo-Hoo was the first beverage to encourage me to shake it. Heck, it not only encouraged me to shake it, it instructed me to do so on the can !!!

As a child I would shake those cans of Yoo-Hoo like I was a British nanny, with a devious smile and childhood innocence only a 9 year old can provide.

I felt like such a badass when I shook those cans of Yoo-Hoo, and the best part was that neither of my parents could tell me not to do it, because the can told me to. I've always been a willing slave to words on the side of cans, that's why I firmly believe Chunky is actually soup that eats like a meal.

Looking back, it was like I was a young hoodlum and Yoo-Hoo was my can of spray paint. I’d often throw on a black hoodie, blast Tag Team out of my boombox, loiter against brick walls outside of convenience stores, and shake cans of Yoo-Hoo as a way to frighten senior citizens.

For those of you that don't know, senior citizens are terrified of beverages that are shaken.

Reason #1 – The Taste

Obviously the most important aspect of any beverage is the way it tastes, and Yoo-Hoo tastes like a chocolate parade is taking place in my mouth.

I'm talking about a good parade, like the Macy’s Thanksgiving one, not one those cheesy local parades where I have to watch my cities youth soccer teams march in unison to a badly played rendition of Stars & Stripes by a High School band.

Those parades suck.

My problem with Nesquik, besides the evil bunny, is that at times it’s too chocolaty; the same problem often occurs with homemade chocolate milk. When it comes to Yoo-Hoo however, you never run into that issue.

Yoo-Hoo has the perfect amount of chocolate taste per gulp. I assume Yoo-Hoo has a team of scientists that spent years perfecting that chocolate to gulp ratio, and it's paid off. You never finish a can unsatisfied. In short, a six-pack of Yoo-Hoo is a six-pack of pleasure, and it’s the best thing you can ever put on your tongue.

Well, it’s the best thing besides Fun-Dip, because Fun Dip rocks.